Brewing Agape: Finally seeing changes!

Well we are 2 ½ weeks into life with Audra. It seems like it’s been so much longer. I keep looking at the calendar thinking I missed her 1 month “birthday” or thinking that its right around the corner but it’s still almost 2 weeks away. Maybe because I feel like we’ve both made huge strides of progress since this time last week. This time last week I didn’t know my up from down, my left from right, my baby’s bottom from her top (ok not really but you get the picture). Last week I called my Midwife’s office and humbly muttered the word depression. I was hitting some deep and dark places I never thought I would ever hit with a new baby. I wanted to quit. Every time she cried at night the first thought in my head was “I cannot do this, I’m done”. But knowing that no one else would pick her up and feed her I rose out of my warm bed and sleepily picked her up and tended to her needs. These have definitely been the hardest, most sleep-deprived days of my life but I feel we are on an upswing. And I did get prescribed Zoloft for my depression but one pill made me nauseous for over 24hrs. I felt worse on the medicine than off it so I decided to ride it out without meds.

But as I said before we have hit an upswing. I now know what most of her cries mean (thanks to a little article on What to Expect’s website). We’ve hit some sort of a routine. I’ve started documenting when she eats and sleeps so I can eventually see improvement. I’ve gotten really good at changing a diaper by the glow of the moon. I’ve also gotten good at nursing by the same light.

Nursing…man that is one thing that’s finally getting easier. After 2 weeks of frustration, pain, confusion on my part, and wanting to – once again – just give up I was able to meet with a Lactation Consultant at the hospital. Audra was detaching herself over and over and she was only nursing for less than 10 minutes on each side. I was worried because after she was born the nurses told me “you need to nurse her every 2 hours, on each side for 20 minutes” No ifs, ands or buts. Well after meeting with the consultant I learned:
1. Audra is a champ at eating. She now weighs a pound over her birth weight!
2. I have plenty of milk and a very fast flow. Poor Audra was getting so overwhelmed by the flow that she wasn’t wanting to stay latched.
3. I should nurse on the same side twice before switching to slow down my supply. I also nurse her in a position that slows down the flow as well

The night we came home from the consultation Audra nursed for 35 minutes on the same side, only stopping to burp once. I was in shock. I wish I could have given her a hi-five!

Other things that have been happening include; Audra loves to be in the carrier. The best $60 spent was on my Ergo carrier. Somedays I can’t put her down for hours and that is how I get things done! Also, we took a trip by ourselves to the grocery store. Just a quick trip and I didn’t want to appear weak and put her car seat on a cart so I held it on one arm and held the basket of food on the other. Definitely an arm workout and definitely will be using a cart next time. I am no superhero. Audra likes her playmat and we’ve introduced tummy time too. Given she will only lay there a total of 10 minutes but dude…10 minutes is 10 minutes! I’m also learning to block out her squeaks and squeals at night. This has been great in getting some serious sleep. Lastly, I’ve learned to soak up her snuggles. I know they will be gone in no time and I’ve finally learned to love them instead of thinking “ok are you really asleep or just playing me?”.