Mom Guilt

So I had no idea what this week’s post should be about. I’m not good at thinking of themes or catchy titles. I’m not good at being inspiring or teaching others from my failures. I don’t even feel like I’m a good writer and I’m surprised by all of you who read these posts each week. I keep expecting the “post viewed” number to be less than 10 but I never is. I will also admit that I don’t think I’m a good mother sometimes and this brings on mom guilt.

 

Mom guilt was not something I was familiar with before motherhood. I knew that becoming a mother was life changing but sometimes *ok almost always in my opinion* mothers make it out to be this “angels singing from the heavens” type of euphoric life. I don’t get it. I can count the number of “euphoric” moments I’ve had so far on one hand. Ok, less than one hand. Mom life is hard. Mom life is nothing you can prepare for no matter how many nieces, nephews, cousins, or babysitting jobs you’ve had. No matter how many books, blogs or Instagrams you follow. My mom life will never be like anyone else’s and my job is to be ok with that.

The other day I took 2 hours for myself. I had my mother in law watch Audra so I could get my hair cut. I had the money, I had a coupon, I had someone reliable to watch her; the stars had aligned. It was all working out perfectly. But I cried the whole way there. No one tells you that part. They tell you “oh you’ll be so glad just to get out of the house without them attached to you” but I wasn’t glad. I was consumed by mom guilt. I felt guilty because what I’ve seen from other moms is that I’m supposed to take her with me everywhere. I’m supposed to be good at having her with me. I’m supposed to handle it all with a perfectly make-up’d face, a perfect outfit and perfect hair. Now maybe it will get easier (as I’ve been told a million times already) and going out with her will become second nature but that hasn’t happened yet. It gives me anxiety every time we go out together.

But while I was at Starbucks after my haircut I heard a newborn cry. I looked around and saw a mother scrambling to get her stuff together and get out the door before the baby completely lost it and I it was then that I felt I wasn’t alone. Seeing her struggle made me feel normal about my struggle. The struggle is real. It's OK to struggle. Everyone struggles with something different. 

I feel guilty for numerous reasons every day and I’m wondering if this feeling will ever pass? Will I then feel guilty about other mom stuff? I assume I’ll get over the guilt I now feel eventually.

Well baby Audra is waking up from her nap so I better tend to her before I feel guilty about that too. Here are some sweet pictures of our sweet daughter.

HAPPY EASTER FRIENDS!

A feet picture of course!!