I have finally gotten some time to myself. As I write this
Audra is falling asleep in her swing
This post is mainly for my own benefit in terms of
breastfeeding. I wanted to write this up so I can look back one day and
hopefully see improvement. Breastfeeding is absolutely so hard the first time
around. I was naïve going into it. I thought, “hey I’ve got the equipment and
baby already knows how to suck, how hard can it be??” Plus there was the other
side of the coin – saving money on not having to buy formula.
My very first moment of breastfeeding was immediately after
she was born. I was very scared that if she latched wrong that would set us up
for months of headaches. Even in my extremely exhausted state of mind I was
still conscious of “I want to do this right from the beginning”. So I asked the
nurse if she was latched right and she assured me it was “perfection”. Happy
me. So after all was said and done with my delivery and stitching up etc. I
went to nurse her again and once again – success. I even remembered to time
each feeding and she was clocking them at 45 minutes for one side and a half
hour for the other – “man we are total Rock stars Audra, this nursing thing is
going great girl!” Well that was my last moments of happiness for nursing for a
long time. After that Audra had grown to favor the right breast which she went
to immediately after birth. She would not latch on my left no matter what we
did. This continued for 24hours. It only caused anxiety every time I had to
nurse her. Her nursing time got shorter and shorter. She still refused my left
side. After we had tried everything the nurses could think of they finally told
me to pump just to get things going and maybe that will help her to latch. I
pumped and I cried. I cried big heavy fat tears as I sat there feeling like I
already failed and I hadn’t even left the hospital. “How could I have thought I
was a rock star at this? And now look at me, pumping like a big loser”. Those
days in the hospital were the worst for nursing. Every nurse that came in asked
how it was going, how long she was feeding for, how long since she fed, and
every other question. Then they proceeded to tell me how to improve it – and wouldn’t
you know it – their advice was different from the past 4 nurses that rotated
into my room. Luckily we headed home and I was able to relax which helped Audra
to relax. Nursing slightly improved for a brief moment.
Fast forward to now – almost 4 weeks in and I am finally
starting to understand breastfeeding. The past 4 weeks have been filled with
engorgement, fussiness, a million nursing positions, feeding sessions that
maxed out at 10 minutes if we were feeling lucky and still a fussy baby. After
much headache I met with a lactation consultant who informed me that 1. She was
getting plenty to eat and 2. She was having such trouble because of my fast
flow. So with that we left her office with some tactics to, once again, become
rock stars at breastfeeding.
It has been a week and a half since we met with the
lactation lady. Since then I have tried all the tricks she gave me but things
are still really rough. Audra all of a sudden started getting these huge
deep-as-the-ocean burps and after she nursed she would be uncomfortable and
fussy for hours. She would want to continue to eat but couldn’t latch. She was
super tired but every time I laid her down the burp would come back with a vengeance.
We were down to one nap a day and that only last an hour or two at most. Then
she would still wake up super fussy. I lost my cool many times during these
fussy times. The whole “lay them down and walk away to collect yourself” trick?
I’ve done that more times than I can count. I reached out to friends, Facebook
groups, Dr. Google and any other form of answers as to what I can do about this
baby. I attended a La Leche League meeting which I had to leave early because
Audra was so uncomfortable and I in turn ended up crying because she was
crying. Loser moment #2. After I left the meeting I returned home, dropped the
baby at the door and told my husband I’m going to buy gripe water. This was
almost my last straw. It worked but the very next day she was fussy yet again.
I tried to give her gas drops before feeding but that didn’t help. I was once
again pulling out my hair. This is when I decided to give her a bottle of
formula and see if there was a difference in her behavior. Sure enough there
was a difference. She ate, burped and was really content. She even took a 4
hour nap. After that she went on a walk with Aunt Jackie and her cousins while
I took a nap. That evening I gave her a bottle of breastmilk and noticed a
difference as well. It seemed that the bottle works and so does my left side.
These are both huge pluses. The downside is my right side flows at warp speed –
which she cannot handle. I’m hoping that it will calm down at 8 weeks or before
so that I can once again nurse on that side.
Since then we’ve settled on a new routine that may change by
this time next week but for now we go with the flow (wow pun Unintended!) and
flow is having me only nurse her on my left side and then I pump my right since
she cannot seem to nurse on my right side no matter what I do. Then the milk I
get from my right side I will freeze except for that which goes in a bottle.
She will get a bottle each night before bed – this allows me to see how much
she’s getting and make sure she’s getting enough to keep her tummy full for a
few hours of sleep.
Anyway, that’s my story. 4 weeks of breastfeeding craziness
but I’ve survived. And YOU survived reading it…maybe. So let’s reward you with
some pictures of my little.
Happy Friday Friends. Do something fabulous this weekend!
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