The Adventures of Sleep

Sleep. Something that all mothers can about swap war stories. I’ve definitely gained my own stories in the last 4 months and I’m sure to gain many many more!

Since the beginning Audra has been in our room with us with the exception of the week she slept in the swing at night and the 2 weeks her and I slept on the couch every night.

Last week was the first week of Audra sleeping in our spare/storage room. It was also the time we had to un-swaddle her and take her off the changing pad. Enter the worst week of sleep in our lives. Audra was waking up every 30 minutes, every hour, every 2 hours. The longest stretch of sleep we both got that whole week was 4 hours. I was loosing it. Crying when my husband left for work. Crying when she woke up. Crying when she cried. It was miserable for both of us.

But it lasted a week. A hard and exhausting week but we survived. Now we have made it to Friday of another week and this week sleep has found us again and become our lets-get-matching-charm-bracelets best friend. At least for night time. We put a CD player in Audra’s room and it plays the same Celtic lullaby song on repeat all night. This seemed to deliver big bonus points. We also raised her crib so the “drop” is less scary. That moment when you place a baby down in the crib is serious business. Seems like the bottom of the crib is 10 feet away and she was usually waking up halfway down.

But it’s not all easy breezy around here. Nap time is what kills us. Audra never napped in her crib until we started it last week. She always slept in her swing for naps. It was the best of both worlds. She could see me, she could get lulled to sleep by the smooth swinging motion, she could wake up and see me in the room. All that was taken away last week. Cold turkey style. So naturally she had major issues with it. Since last Sunday we have clocked 3 naps in her crib. 2. That’s not a lot. We’ve also clocked hours crying it out in the crib which results in no napping period and the look on her face when I place her in her crib is one of “you are not seriously putting me in here, I WILL scream, do not test me”.  I have come to the conclusion that for now I cannot put her in there partially awake and let her talk or play until she falls asleep. I need to make sure she is out cold and then stealthily maneuver her into the crib and then do not breathe until I exit the room. This is the only way I can think to get her used to the crib. And a pacifier in the crib is not even an option at this point. She almost immediately rolls to her stomach to sleep and the pacifier either falls out or chokes her. No Bueno.

Speaking of stomach sleeping that happened for the first time this week! What a blessing that is! She sleeps so much better on her stomach. She doesn’t put her patootie in the air yet but when it happens I might just take a half dozen photos if I can. For high school graduation of course?

So all this to say is we’ve had a good week of sleeping. When Audra wakes at night I set a mental timer in my head for 10 minutes. If she hasn’t whined herself back to sleep by then and she is getting worse I will go pick her up. If her whining continues but softens I let her be. All it usually takes is 10 minutes and she’s out again. Self-soothing is a magical thing and this girl is on her way to earning a gold star for it.  

Nothing much else has happened around here. We had her 4mth appointment yesterday and the Doctor was impressed with how alert and let’s face it “Into everyone’s business” she is but my girl is a people-watching pro. Girl after my own heart. She continues to be slightly below average for height and weight and above average for head size (thank you Daddy!) It’s hard to believe that our next visit to the Dr she will be 6 months old and ready to start solids. I’m already planning her first real food experience. I gave her a finger dip of yogurt last week and she loved it so that may be on the menu. Or I should probably start her on a vegetable seeing as I hate most veggies because I didn’t eat them much when I was younger. I want her to love vegetables. Mmmm…strained peas it is!

We took a family trip to a huge hardware store an hour away the other day. She enjoyed it thoroughly.

I enjoyed it too. Ice cream style. 

Happy Weekend Friends. It’s garage sale bonanza around these parts and we are super excited!

Mother's Day Week/End

Being a mom. Something I've wanted since I was a small girl. Something I knew I was born to be. Something I never knew was so hard. Something that has changed me forever. I am so grateful for my own mother every single day because I never knew the sacrifice, perseverance and love it takes to raise a child. You can't quit. Ever. You may get a break here and there but you're always on call. No days off. No holidays. No recess. I've entered a world I thought I was prepared for and yet I was not prepared at all. I have to continue to find time for myself, ask for help, hand Audra off to my husband if I need 5 minutes to myself to either shower or cry. I'm continuing to learn the art of being flexible, patient and selfless. All things in which I am not and I'm being taught by a 4 month old. Circle of life. 

This blog story starts last Wednesday night when my own cat bit me. The reason is not important other than he was provoked. He has never bitten me so as much as I hated him for doing it to me I didn't think much else of it except clean the wound and bandage it. Blah blah.

Thursday rolls around and my thumb is puffy, warm, red, and red streaks are leading up my left arm. Not good. Noooot good. Definite signs of an infection. Ok. So we wait it out until Jonathan comes home and decide whether or not to go see a Dr. Only problem is I had a Baby Shower that evening and time was of the essence if we went anywhere. Oh and yeah, throw a baby into the mix. Cray.
Jonathan comes home and we spend an hour trying to figure out what to do. Long story short we call the clinic up town to explain and they said head to the ER. Cat bites are serious business. Ergh. We pack up baby and head to the ER, praying to get in and out in an hour. After seeing 7-8 medical staff including the official Dr for a total of 15 seconds, 3 xrays, (yes totally serious they had to see if there were any teeth in the bite, even after I assured them there was not) 1 tetanus shot (almost had 2 b/c so many people going in and out they got their wires crossed), multiple coos over Audra and how cute she is we got to leave and head home. Just in time to feed the baby, freshen up and leave for the shower. Audra's first baby shower. She has yet to realize how fun they are. Haha.

Thursday did bring other positive things though. The anniversary of finding out I was pregnant and Audra rolling from back to belly for the first time on her own. 2 minute happy dance for our little girl at that point!

Friday comes around. Fridays are the best in my opinion. We were super productive Friday morning. Dishes washed, Mother's Day gifts bought, prescription filled, dinner planned, sun shining, it was a glorious day. Until noon. We got home from our errands and I could barely even keep my eyes open. I was exhausted, every muscle in my body ached, I was nauseous and I had the chills. "Oh Audra please go to sleep so I can sleep" I said with tears in my eyes. I was getting sick and I wasn't happy about it at all. Audra luckily slept 2 hours. One hour on me, the other in her swing. I was so blessed to get a shower in. A shower always helps. But off and on for the next 24 hours I was miserable. It peaked Friday night feeding Audra and I had a 101 fever and everything hurt. Everything. Luckily Audra slept very well this night. I couldn't have asked for anything better from her.  At first I thought the cause was side effects of the Tetanus shot but then I felt more like I picked up a bug somewhere. It lasted until Saturday evening. Tylenol and sleep were my best friend. My husband was also my best friend, taking Audra when he could and helping when needed. Being a mom and being sick was just as horrible as I imagined and I wasn't even THAT sick. I am so in awe of the human body and how it can combat infection with a fever and fight without me having to do too much except feel miserable.

Sunday finally rolled around and I got to have my very first Mother's Day. How precious. But I think Hollywood screwed that up for me too over the years. There was no surprise trip away without the baby. There was no breakfast in bed. But there were donuts and that's basically better in my book. We arrive at church and my wonderful sister-in-law (Susie Homemaker!) made homemade doughnuts for her family that morning and brought us some. Even though my stomach was still a little nauseous I had several doughnut holes. Pure deliciousness! Sunday was then filled with family gatherings, sunshine, baby-free arms, the sweetest tear-provoking card from my husband (which I'm pretty sure I'll read every single day until Audra graduates high school) and pizza for dinner.

Last but not least Sunday brought Audra's 4 month "birthday". I cannot believe I've been a mother for 4 months now! We have moved her crib into our spare/storage room. This has been great the last 2 nights. It's almost weird though that I feel so far away from her because she's been so close for 4 months. Audra is learning new things every week. She has found her toes! A day I've look forward to since she was born. One of my favorite things is when babies find their toes. There is nothing cuter. Her teething seems to be calm for now. Calm before the storm? Perhaps. She rolls over a lot these days. She talks, giggle and smiles so much. She grabs things like a champ, including my hair. Not so great. She is getting more used to other people holding her besides me - Praise to the Lord on this one! We are even getting a little more sleep these nights.

A dress from Great Grandma. When I received this I felt like it would be for.ev.er until she wore it. Time flies!

Because happy baby = happy mommy

So to all of you mothers, women who have no children but are still mothering to others and to those who lost children all too soon. YOU are incredible. Never forget that.

At last but not least...

It's Always Something

Our weeks around here just seem to get a little crazier each week. But I somehow survive them and then look back and can hardly remember them. Sometimes I'm glad I can't remember the first month besides tons of crying and not enough sleep. Sometimes I wish I could because should we choose to have another child I'm afraid I won't know what to do when he or she is born and I have Audra running circles around us. Maybe that's the wonderful part of Motherhood. You can't remember all the bad stuff so you have more kiddos. And the species lives on. I also think that with every kid you have you loose a little more of your sanity. Moms of more than one is this true? You just get a little crazier as you add more chicks to the nest?

First up was the answer to the question on my mind for weeks. Whether or not Audra was teething. She had all the signs and I'd been told by several people that she was but I wasn't convinced. "Wouldn't/Shouldn't I have a mother's intuition on this stuff? Shouldn't I be the first to see it?" Apparently not. Apparently I was clueless as to why Audra was so stinking fussy the last 3 weeks. Teeth. Two of them. Coming up like daisies. Nice and early too. I am so not ready for a teether. I thought I had months to get ready for this stuff. But Audra continues to throw me curveballs and all I can do is catch them or get hit. Feels like I get hit more than catch. Ha. So here we are waiting for the teeth to officially emerge and then hopefully the rest of them will follow suit quickly rather than slowly. Unfortunately teething before the baby can properly hold or put an object in her mouth makes for more work for momma. But it's only for a short time so we'll survive.

Cradle cap has also entered our life. I've gone back and forth between not washing her hair very often to washing it everyday. Everyday seems to work better for us. I know this is normal and harmless but it just bugs me personally. Haha.

Swaddling. A parent's favorite home-run move for comfort and sleeping. Audra was swaddled for every single nap and every night for sleep until she started out growing her Swaddle Me blanket and I truly didn't want to buy another one because she'll be rolling over soon and then we'll have to stop anyway. So I've been trying over the last few weeks to break the swaddle...cue dramatic music. I feel like this is a moment all parents become anxious over because this means babies will have their hands free to fly! This causes them to wake themselves up. So it has been about a month and a half in the making but we are getting closer to her sleeping with no swaddle. I started during naptime only doing a half swaddle (no arms) that way I wouldn't loose any sleep when she kept waking up. At night I started only swaddling one arm. This worked great for a long time. Last Monday I started putting her to bed half swaddled. The first 3-4 nights were rough I'm not going to lie. She was up every 3 hours and I was loosing my mind. But then she had her first 5 hour stretch and then a 6 hour stretch and I was beginning to see the light. Sunday night I put her to bed with no swaddle and I'm not sure if it was the no-swaddle, the teething or the constipation but she was up 3 or 4 times that night. I did not get a lot of sleep.

Oh yes last but not least, constipation. No fun as an adult. Even worse as an infant. She was grunting so long and so hard I thought she was going to hurt herself. I ended up giving her equal parts of 100% apple juice and water and that did the trick. I don't think were out of the woods yet but were definitely getting closer.

So it just seems that it's always something with her. I can't even keep up these days. If it's not one of the above topics it's the fact that 4 month sleep regression is setting in I think and I'm getting less and less sleep these nights. I do count myself lucky that should I need a nap I can always take one when she naps or we can nap together. Coffee continues to be my best friend.

On the positive side of things Audra is getting crazy close to rolling over from back to belly. She starts to stare at her toes more often but has yet to realize they are hers. And her personality is all me. No idea what she wants and when we find out what she wants she never wants it for long.

Of course I didn't get a lot of pictures of our week last week. As I was busy just trying to tread water some days. But here are the few I did get.

Our morning snuggle

First family hike. Audra. That stare. 

She doesn't lay on my chest very often. I'm very quick to put her in her swing once she is asleep. But this time I decided to snuggle her and soak it up. 

Here's hoping for a better week this week. If not I still have my rip-your-skin-off orange arm floaties and I'll be over here doggy paddling my way to the shore. Of a desert island. With endless ice cream sundaes and naps. 

A week without water. Almost

What a doozy this week has been and it's only...lemme check..Wednesday. Holy cow it's ONLY Wednesday??! How can this be?

This week started out with a funeral of such a dear, sweet and loving mentor of mine. Cancer took her life but her soul resides in Heaven for eternity. Her ministry will live on for years and years through those who she ministered too. Her servant's heart and love for the Lord made an impact on way too many to count. Dance with Jesus Jan. You are dearly missed but we will see you soon one day.

Monday night we found out that our gray water was leaking into our in-laws crawl space. So this meant we couldn't use any water the following day. The following day was also the funeral for my dear Jan. So my mind was immediately spinning as to what I needed to do the following day in order to survive. I was going to spend the day at my parents and attend the funeral and hopefully wash my hair and oh yeah...take care of an infant who doesn't care about my plans for the day. It was a little rough going but we survived. Dinner that night was made via the microwave or toaster oven using as little dishes as possible. Monday night also brought Audra to wake up 3 times which was just miserable. I forgot what 4 hours of sleep felt like. Yuck.

Audra's biggest blowout yet. And in my favorite onesie of hers. Naturally. R.I.P

Tuesday we spent the day at my parents. We took over half the apartment. Basically. A load of laundry, Audra's play mat, dishes to wash, fixin's for dinner, spare clothes for both of us, the carrier so we could go for a walk and a few other things. Left the kitchen sink at home, my mom has one of those! Tuesday morning also brought the continuation of whatever the heck Audra is going thru. I'm not sure if it's a growth spurt or an upset tummy or a "leave me alone but don't set me down" attitude. I was in no mood for her mood. This is where we are going to clash for the rest of our lives. I need to pray for serious attitude adjustment because Audra has my attitude and talk about "taste your own medicine". This kid gives it to me 10 fold. She sat in the swing for a half hour basically whining because she was tired but not wanting the pacifier. So I walked around gathering everything we needed to take to my parents. After a half hour I couldn't take her whining anymore so I picked her up and tried to rock her to sleep. She didn't want that either. So I just put her in her crib and she just screamed. I continued to collect things and every minute walk over to her and give her her pacifier which she didn't want. So I just let her continue to scream. After about 4-5 minutes she calmed down and then I felt like an idiot of a mother. "my baby probably thinks I'm never coming for her. She's lost hope that mommy is ever coming back" I about lost it when I thought this. Serious mom guilt. But I know crying is good for her lungs. So I scooped her up and she was so exhausted from crying she went to sleep very shortly. I told her I would always come to pick her up but letting her cry it out is something we need to do every once in a while. I also apologized a few times too which may not of helped her but it helped me.

Wednesday was a rather boring day. We spent the day at my parents. Thursday same story, same tune. The water came back on Thursday evening so we didn't go a week without it but a few days using as little as possible. Going without water is never fun. You truly do not realize how much you rely on it until you can't use it!

Friday. Hallelujah Friday. I am recuperating from the last 3 nights in which Audra has decided that she wants to wake up every 3 hours. I very much look forward to long stretches of sleep soon. Hopefully. Or maybe this is the 4 month sleep regression they talk about and Audra is going thru it early? Maybe? No? Ugh.

I've been following the Wonder Weeks app for Audra and we are at the beginning of a 5 week long rough patch. So far it's been right on. Last week and this week she is more fussy and spitting up more than usual. I've been told by 3 people that she is teething but I have yet to believe it. Sure she chews on everything that she can grab but I've also read this is her way of learning about her surroundings too. Maybe she is teething. Maybe not. Time will tell. But I know one thing, I am not ready for a Teether. Not one bit.

Audra has been busy this week though. When she isn't fussing or spitting up she has learned to make a new sound. Not a happy sound. A loud yell, growl, scream, something or other. It's a mean sound. It feels like she is grunting through the biggest poop of her life. But she doesn't poop. I'm hoping she learns a new happy sound soon! She has also given up on rolling from tummy to back for the moment. We try and try but she just won't. Oh well. She also loves to stare. And her least favorite trick of mine is talking while trying to nurse. It's adorable but milk gets everywhere and she doesn't concentrate on eating.

My own personal newest trick is hair loss. Yup. Postpartum hair loss is real. It's not extreme but hair.is.everywhere. On me. On her. On blankets, socks, pajamas, pacifiers. Unreal and gross.

Anyway, sorry to gross you out. Here are some new pictures of Audra. Hopefully the cuteness takes the picture of me loosing my hair like a German Shepard in the summer out of your head. It certainly does for me.

And then the bloopers to get to the above photo

 

Always moving. Always

 

Seriously? More pictures?

 

Hands...always in the mouth. 

 So as we continue to ride through this rough patch hoping for an easy day and easy night coincide at least once I will continue to try and savor these days. It definitely feels like it's been 14 weeks. I high-five myself every time we reach the weekend. I high-five Audra every time she sleeps long enough I can get a shower and a meal in. I high-five my husband every time I'm not too tired to snuggle when Audra goes to bed. We still have rough days and nights but the good days are becoming more frequent. I still often wish for the months ahead when Audra can entertain herself, or sit up by herself or feed herself but when those moments come I know I'll hate it. I'll hate that I cannot hold her and walk around and do things. I'll hate that we spend less time laying on the floor talking. I'll hate that she nurses less. This time in my life I'm trying to enjoy even though it's rough. Audra is basically a really good baby. I hate to even complain about my life with her because I know there are others who have it way worse. This momma life is teaching me patience, perseverance, and joy. And joy is something you can never get enough of.

Have a joy-filled weekend friends!

A Week Without Netflix. Almost.

My happy baby. She was not happy a lot this week. 

First I must explain where this idea came from because we are surrounded and immersed in a society that is connected to others in more ways then we ever need. At my breastfeeding meeting they tell the moms-to-be "don't get the app (to take care of your baby and track their feedings/diapers) get Netflix". This is because you will probably spend a ton of time nursing the baby in the beginning and you'll quickly become bored and hey, Netflix just streams episode after episode and all you have to do is tell it your still watching every few episodes or so. Dude I can feed the baby and binge watch Gilmore Girls all day? This new mom life is THE life to have!

Sometimes yes. Sometimes not.

But in the meeting I totally agreed with that piece of advice because honestly Netflix was my life besides Audra. I would put it on in the morning and it wouldn't go off until we went to bed. I cringe to admit this but as a new mom I wanted background noise and an excuse to watch tons of TV guilt free. Well I realized I needed to unplug when Audra and I were having play time and I was so consumed by Iron Chef that I tuned Audra out for a second or two or three or thirty. I was drawn back to reality when her coos turned angry. She knew my attention was somewhere else and she was calling me back. This brings tears to my eyes. I was giving a TV show more attention then my daughter. How did it get this bad?? My life had turned into "OK will I watch The Office or Friends? OK that's enough stupid TV let's switch to Cupcake Wars and learn about how to bake. All right it's the afternoon I earned me another episode of Fixer Upper". I'm telling you Netflix was.my.life and it was bad. So I vowed to watch less. I would replace the noise of the TV with Pandora playing worship music or some Ella Fitzgerald and I would spend more time staring at my baby than an episode of Salvage Dawgs.

I was further convinced to do this at church this past Sunday. The first time I had heard a sermon since Audra was born and it was one I needed badly. We learned about how Elijah was so depressed he wanted to die but God led him to the top of a mountain because He had something to say to Elijah. He had Elijah stand there and wait for the presence of God. First there was a tornado-like winds. Second was a powerful earthquake. Third was there was a fire. But the Lord was not in these. He was in the gentle whisper that followed them. This message hits me hard every time I hear it. I took this into my life as a mom and learned that if I really wanted to connect with my daughter I needed to cut out the distractions. If I really needed to connect with God I needed to focus on the small quiet moments with her and with Him. The background noise was clouding everything else. The one thing I wanted to fill up the silence was truly filling up the silence in such a bad way and it took me way too long to realize it. Not anymore.

And as if I questioned it even in the slightest I then received an email from WTE about limiting screen time for babies. I took this as a final sign that I needed to cut back.

Monday - we were both tired. Audra stayed in a sleeper all day. It was a day of 2 cups of coffee and a bad day to cut out Netflix. It was rainy and cold and I wanted to do nothing BUT watch Netflix. But I remained abstinent. We had lots of play and face to face time. We cuddled and snuggled and giggled. During her naps I cleaned, did laundry, and worked out. Now I will admit during lunch I watched an episode of Fixer Upper. This my "me time". Unfortunately Netflix went on again after dinner when daddy went into the garage.

Tuesday - We spent the morning hanging out and playing and then we ran errands in the afternoon during Audra's nap time. It was Daddy's birthday but Audra was not a happy baby when she got up from her noon time nap. We were both crying when Daddy came home. Poor Daddy. All she wanted to do was be held and no sitting and "don't you dare lay me down for even a second". She was fussy, uncomfortable and spitting up like every half hour or hour. I came to the conclusion that she had an upset stomach and finally gave her gas drops after bath time. Netflix went on after dinner so we could both just chill.

The only way I could get her to have a solid nap. Half swaddle and on my lap. But I was OK with that. :)

Wednesday - Audra was still feeling yucky. Two poopy diapers within the first hour of waking up (one of which dirtied a onesie, pants AND a blanket). When she ate I burped her and it went - big deep burp, big poop, big deep burp. My poor baby was again only happy being held and cuddled. I also just didn't feel like doing anything so we put on a movie and relaxed and did a load of laundry. Hopefully whatever was bothering her is working it's way out of her system. The day slowly improved and again Netflix came on after dinner

She was content to sit on my lap for a whole 5 minutes. It was bliss. 

Thursday - Pandora played the Wicked soundtrack/station all morning. This is not only Wicked music which I love but all Disney and Pixar music. It of course randomly throws in regular singers or groups but I always "thumbs down" those. I love this station. Audra seems to be feeling better but she wants to fall asleep at the breast, with the pacifier. Totally do able but never had her do this before. She has been extra cuddly these past few days and I love it. Tonight is grocery shopping. We now take Audra with us instead of having someone watch her. She does not like to stay in the car seat because she's so noisy and wants to see everything. So we end up keeping the car seat in the cart and putting food in and around it. It's pretty funny, Last time we took her with us she started fussing just when we went to check out and of course the line was long. So I was gearing up to take her out to the car and have Jonathan check out and pack everything up. But the dear lady who was behind us with only 2 items and refused to go in front of us was so sweet to Audra. She just kept talking to her and this calmed her down enough for us to get through the line and packed up. Bless that lady. Bless the people in public who like children and do not give a care that they are fussy. You people make mommas like me so much more at ease when baby starts fussing.
This time Audra was a rock star during grocery shopping. It's when we got home and had bath time that she lost it. Screaming for 10 minutes straight (which seems like an eternity). Turns out she was hungry even though I had just fed her an hour prior. Yowza.

*It was by this point in the week I realized Audra might be going thru a growth spurt...duh Momma*

Friday - The day I look forward to most every week. We made it. It's supposed to be warm today so we might get out and take a walk. We both need the fresh air. Audra decided to get up around 6 this morning which did not make for a very happy Momma. I needs extra coffees today. But we now look forward to the busy weekend and next time she looses it we look at cute and happy pictures on my phone and remember that these screaming moments won't last forever. I think I definitely earned some sort of "novice mother badge" this week. A small gem in my baseball cap (because I in no way deserve a crown).

Audra grabbed her butterfly the other day. Yay!

Last weekend we had a birthday party to go to. Audra spent a lot of time on Daddy's lap which made this Momma very happy. She was a rockstar all night. :) We even got a "girls only" photo session in!

Kisses for Audra!

Raise your hand if you love Audra! haha

A mommy-daughter selfie. Audra obviously had it with the pictures and needed a nap

So this week started out with good intentions. Cut out Netflix so that I could focus more on my life with Audra but of course Audra had a totally different definition of "look at me" which almost made me loose my marbles and come lunch or evening time Netflix was my saving grace. I feel much better about having Netflix on much less but sometimes when the house is clean, the dishes are done, the laundry is folded and the errands are run there is nothing left to do so it's you and this baby who counts on you for almost every aspect of entertainment. And sometimes momma's get drained of being the constant source of "grab your toy" or "Peek-a-boo" so we need that TV to entertain ourselves just like babies need us to entertain them. But it's a dangerous slope. We need to be super cautious of screen time because it's everywhere. I was on my phone the other day while holding Audra and she was watching the screen. I immediately turned my phone screen off and set it down. I need to soak up this time with her. Even though it's still early time is still fleeting. She will never turn 3 months again. She will never grab a toy for the first time ever again. She will never have a first laugh or a first roll over. Society and screens can take your attention from these moments without you even realizing it. But babies already realize it. They know when our attention is elsewhere. So realize it. Stop it. Stop and enjoy your babies because their only babies for a little while. 

Have a happy and warm weekend friends. 

Three Month Mark

Today marks exactly 3 months since our lives changed forever and my life is still trying to adjust! Life with a 3 month old is good stuff man. On her good days she naps a lot still but when shes awake she's giggling and talking up a storm! She nurses every 3-4 hours for 5 to 10 minutes. Sometime I really have to ask her if she got enough and then she spits up which tells me she got more than enough. On our bad days she wants nothing to do with naps longer than 30 minutes and putting her down is a huge no-no so not much gets done unless I can do it with one hand.

I took her 3 month pictures this week and looking back at them I just had to crack up and make up a million captions in my head for them.

The path to get the above photo was quite comical. Here are the first several pictures

I also have a mom failure story you guys. This morning I was shopping Amazon for my husband's birthday gift. Audra was in her swing, music going, pacifier in (I did not swaddle her this time). She was on her way to snoozeville and I was getting ahead of schedule while she did so. Well her pacifier fell out so naturally she began to get fussy. She had such a tired cry I just let her cry a little bit to help self soothe. I was reassuring her she was fine and everything. Her cry then turned into an angry one so I looked over and she is (I cringe every time I relive this moment) falling out of the swing feet first. Her top half was in the swing, her bottom half was not. My heart stopped. She was almost screaming and I ran the whole 20 feet to rescue her. Those 20 feet felt like a half mile. Just as I got there she slipped out of the swing onto her bum and the swing then knocked her in the head gently but enough to keep her upright and from falling back onto her back. It gave me that split second to pick her up before she fell backward. She calmed right down as soon as I picked her up, oblivious to anything that just happened but I could not put her down or stop apologizing to her. Now you may ask "how did your child slip out when those things come with restraints"? Well I never used the restraints. Until now. She loves to squirm but has never managed to squirm her way out of anything like this. Those restraints are going to be my best friend until she is too heavy for the swing.

This is our new method of napping. Swaddled but strapped in. We make it work. 

After I got over my failure feeling I put her back in all swaddled up and strapped in and then moved my laptop to in front of her swing so she would not leave my eyesight. That moment of seeing her body half out of the swing will haunt me for a very long time.

But scary moments aside we've survived it for 3 months. Our lives continue to be surrounded by diapers, blankets, pacifiers and itty bitty socks looking for their mate. We continue to dance to the beat of a drum by an infant who doesn't know time. We continue to hold fast to each other when our nerves are frayed and you loose your footing. I still cannot say it's been easy (sorry for all the first time mommas-to-be) that are reading this. 3 months is a long time when you aren't getting solid sleep and the daily "schedule" is anything but. But it does get better and I'm getting better at this whole "being a mom" thing - which by the way- is still very very surreal to me.

And just a few more smiley pictures I just had to share. 

Happy weekend to you my friends. May it be long and full of happiness. Despite the snow that is still haunting us even though it's April! 

12 weeks

All right so to be honest I thought the newborn phase lasted 4-6 weeks. I thought after this they are just considered a baby. I learned though that the newborn phase is the first 3 months. 12 whole weeks. I was saddened because I was really looking forward to Audra not being a newborn anymore. For some reason I had it in my head that it would be a whole lot easier at 12 weeks. Now that we are here I can't say it's as easy as I thought it would be but it's most definitely easier than 6 weeks or heck, even 11 weeks ago. I know I was wishing that time away but I just assumed it would be so much easier when she grew out of the newborn stage. I now look at moms who just gave birth and think "oh goodness look how tiny, I miss those snuggles". But at the same time I have still been counting down until Audra hit 12 weeks and before I knew it she's hit that mark. We are officially out of the newborn phase. Hello.

This face....

The biggest thing I've noticed is that her cry has changed. It's no longer that newborn sounding wail but it's got more meaning behind it and I can more easily tell why she is crying. But I don't want to focus on things that have gone away with this 12 week mark but instead focus on the gains. It's all about the victories in this mother role. 

Audra smiles all the time and even started to giggle a little. It makes being a mother much more rewarding when you can see the smile on their face and know that they are happy. She has even started grabbing toys (without really knowing it) but she looks at the toys and you can just tell in her eyes she's thinking "man that looks good enough to grab". Another thing that we've gained is sleep. She goes back and forth but for the most part her initial stretch of sleep is 5 hours. After I feed her she is also falling asleep faster. I used to have to wait at least a half hour before I could put her down. Now I can put her back to bed in about 15-20 minutes. Progress!

Progress has also been made in the breastfeeding and burping department as well. I haven't given Audra gas drops in a week and we haven't had a tough burping session in almost as long. Audra is now burping on her own more and burping easier. Sometimes she doesn't even burp at all which gave me anxiety at first but she never fussed from a gas bubble so turns out she didn't need to burp after all. This alone makes my heart soar. I guess 12 weeks IS a magical stepping stone in the breastfeeding department. I still have a tough time nursing her on my right side but that aside it's so much easier than a month ago!

She naps more. As you read in my last post she naps 3 or 4 times a day. This is a big change from a few weeks ago when she barely napped during the day. Maybe because she's more active and that means she needs more sleep. Not sure if that is true but I'm really not complaining about the fact that she naps more than she used to. I truly hope she gets her daddy's sleeping habits. He can sleep anywhere and through anything! Must be nice!

She finally rolled over again. She hasn't done that since she was 6-7 weeks old. We are also practicing her rolling from back to stomach and standing/squatting. I cannot wait to get her a "Johnny Jump Up" and see how she does with it.

We are also working on her falling asleep on her own without the pacifier. Sometimes it works but for the most part she still relies heavily on it. I did read an article that encouraged pacifiers for babies of mothers who have an overactive letdown. Babies that are fast eaters and usually nurse for 5-10 minutes need the pacifier to exercise their sucking reflex. This makes me feel better about giving it her. I do note that she only gets the pacifier during her naps. She only gets it at "night" when she wakes up at 6am and she is not hungry but needs the sucking reflex to lull her back to sleep.

So in conclusion I cannot believe we survived the first 12 weeks. I cannot believe that Spring is here and the weather is continuing to get warmer. I cannot believe that everything this baby has learned so far is because of my and my husband's time with her. These past weeks have been crazy hard but it's getting easier. I finally believe all of you who have told me that over and over. It gets a little easier everyday!

P.S Let the handstanding commence!