A wedding wonderland!

This morning as I sit here trying to gain a less than foggy feeling in my head by sipping on coffee, my hair still a helmet of hairspray, I am staring at my beautiful but slightly droopy bouquet and reminiscing about the joy and excitement that was this past week. My dear and loving friend Michelle finally married her cowboy!

A two year relationship of two amazing people became one married couple yesterday. The wedding was perfect. The reception was perfect. The couple that was celebrated was perfect. And I am honored that I was able to spend it with them!

We made new friends. We made memories. We made jokes which lead to continuous laughter. We learned new dance moves. We learned a new language. We learned that as amazing as life is, it does move on and old chapters end and new chapters start. Michelle's new chapter of being a wife has begun and I anxiously await to see how her beautiful heart grows and adapts to this new title. Often through her day yesterday I was reminded of my own wedding two and 3/4 years ago. The anticipation, the excitement and the tears. All that hard work you put into planning your big day makes it turning out perfect all worth it. 

Yesterday also made me miss my husband that much more. Wishing he could share this moment with me. Wishing he could dance with me. Wishing we could return home together so I wouldn't spend another night alone. Going home alone at night is the worst feeling ever - in case you were wondering. 

But not to drag this post down with "oh woes me" thoughts....Michelle and Jeremy are starting a new adventure together. One of laughs and cries, deep heart-to-heart discussions and maybe even a few spats. It's all part of being married but the best part is when the day is done you don't have to go home without each other....you just get to go to bed with the love of your life!

May the Lord's blessings fill your life and your marriage. May you continue to grow together as you grow towards Him. Don't take everything so seriously. Don't hold back. Don't hold it in. Let it out. Let it be. Let love grow!

Congratulations to the newly hitched Mr. and Mrs!

This is how we do it.

Upon talking to a friend recently I was asked THE most common question I've ever been asked regarding having my husband deployed; “How do you do it?” Well I have decided to answer that question so that anyone who really wants my answer can have it. I don't mean for this to be an “in your face, leave me alone” post. I mean for this to simply be a longer explanation than I can explain in the short period of time in which I have these conversations with friends and family. I'm sharing my heart here and I hope that comes across. Men and women go through separation through deployment every day of every year and we all deal with it differently. This is how I deal.

Deployments are hard, let no one ever tell you differently. Every time my husband leaves it seems as though my heart will never feel whole again and things will never get better. The first night he leaves I always find myself sobbing on the couch wondering why it happens to me. This deployment was our first as a married couple so the night he left I honestly felt so empty and incomplete. They say your spouse is your other half and I now understand what it feels like to not have your other half with you – it's horrible. But all you can do is pray and count down the days until he returns home; you're heart only growing fonder.

One of the best ways I have found to deal with deployment is stay busy. This seems like simple science but sometimes it can be harder to fill up every day with something to do especially when you are between jobs. It also means that when I do have things to do I'm always wishing my husband was there sharing in them with me. For every party, wedding, celebration, festival etc. I always have a hard time going solo. That part never gets easier. But if you stay busy most of the time it's easier to not focus on him being gone. I count my blessings that I get to hear from my husband everyday. Our first deployment I was not so lucky so this is a huge blessing even though there are days when communicating through Facebook seems incredibly hard. I know we have it easy compared to the days of letter writing.

Now for every 2 weeks or so of easy days there is always a hard day. The hard days are when you rise in the morning and cry before the coffee is done brewing. You save putting on your mascara until you've convinced yourself you're not going to cry for the rest of the day only setting yourself up for failure. When you hear your wedding song on the radio only adding to the heartache you feel. These are the days when friends, family, bosses, and the occasional bank teller have to either understand or not ask questions. Friends, I have had my fair share of sobbing on the way to work and trying to get enough courage up before going in the building only to loose it again in the bathroom. But I learned early on when you have a hard day you cry it out. You cry your tear ducts dry and you clean yourself up and you continue on. Swallowing the tears only makes it come on stronger later on. I once became really good and swallowing my sadness and let me tell you in the long run it didn't help anything. If you've ever been near me after a phone call with my husband you can attest to some tears being shed. I am still amazed at how the body can go from being so happy to hear my husbands voice to being completely upset the moment we hang up. It gets me every single time.

I'm going to wrap up this answering session by saying I'm not superwoman. I'm not a great Christian example of a strong military wife who isn't bothered daily by this deployment. I am not as strong as you think. I'm not OK with being separated from my husband for a really long period of time. But this is the life I signed up for and I have an amazing husband who is counting down daily with me until we are re-united. We have a God who is binding us together through such a vast distance. We have a love that is only growing stronger for each other every day.

We are less than 300 days away from being done with military life and I'm so excited to begin a normal life!

Hey Hey 5K!

Today marked another entry off the bucket list. My first 5K that I ran, my second 5k that participated in. The  Susan G Komen Akron Race for the Cure was today. I ran it today with a friend and her beautiful mother who is a Breast Cancer Survivor and my own mother came for moral support. It was a wonderful morning filled with a contagious energy of supporters and survivors alike. 3.1 miles was a small token that we ran/walked to show our fight against Breast Cancer.

 

The morning started early with our drive down to Akron. Getting there and parking in the parking garage we were immediately met with energy and excitement! Parking and finding our way to the main area to get the lowdown on the days events seeing so many people (individual  and teams) with their brightly colored shirts, crazy socks and pink tutus galore.

8:30am brought the race start time. We were instructed through a quick exercise/warm up routine and with 3 minutes left we counted it down to start the race.

And go!

This was my first experience with a race. After we started, the sound of footsteps filled my ears. People talking excitedly and setting their personal fitness exercise meters... we were on our way. Because I did not know the course I was unaware of landmarks that mark certain parts of the course so I was unable to judge distance. Little did I know that markers were along the way you just had to run long enough to get to one. There were also a few more hills than I was expecting - I trained with hills and I typically love hills but these hills were big and long. Such a blow to morale. I slowed to a walking pace before the first mile marker. The one mile marker was marked with a dozen motorcycles revving their engines to re-ignite the fading excitement that the one mile marker brought. I continued at a run/walk pace for the remainder of the race, meeting a woman by the name of Paula at 1.4 miles. Her and I had similar run/walk styles of racing but she also had a device that told her how far we'd gone - she became my new pal. We continued to match and pass each other throughout the race and chatting as we went. She was avid into cycling and this was her second Breast Cancer Race. 

The 2 mile was marked with a color "tunnel" where if you chose you can run in a lane and get eco-friendly pink powder thrown at you. This seemed like a great idea at the time however when the sweat began to pour the powder continued to mix with it making for a gruby dirty feeling. At 2.6 miles the sound of the finish line was evident. Loud music and people cheering gave me the energy to push through until the end, I was almost there! Rounding the final turn I had  my sites on the finish line. Passing over that line and looking at the clock reading 40:06. Not the best but better than I was thinking. Shortly after I noticed my mom trying to take pictures and she was able to get this shot. :)

Covered in sweat and pink powder but floating on a cloud that I finished. 

We then waited for my dear friend and her momma to reach the finish line so we could celebrate with them. Such joy was felt by everyone!

After we made our way down the paved golf cart trail, grabbed our apples and bananas we made our way to the vendor area where we proceeded to get free totebags, waterbottles, pens, beads, paper fans and enter into drawings to win shoes. It was great time! After this we made our way to the famous 18th hole where the Survivor ceremony would take place. We listened to speakers speak, awards be awarded and the survivors walk to be recognized. 

After the ceremony we made our way to the shuttle buses which took us to the After Party. Among everything there, there was an ice cream truck If you know me you know I wanted ice cream after my race - so what better way to celebrate then with a old school screwball!?

More pictures from my dear friend Kristin

The day was great.

The rain held off. 

The run was painful and great. 

I cannot wait for my next one!

Whose coming with me??

A May to Remember

It's been  a while since my last post and not a lot has happened in the last 5 months.

We have found ourselves in another deployment. We are one month in which means we are 7-8 months away from the end. The time is going slow as I am still job searching but communication with my husband has been easy and that is the biggest blessing at this point.

May 2014 will hopefully be one that I remember for a long time. It was this month that I decided to take my Yoga seriously and enroll in a Handstand challenge via Instagram. I follow Kerri Verna on Instagram who created this challenge at just the moment that I started practicing handstands to better my Yoga practice. All month long we were given a daily pose or stand to do. We had to take a picture or video, post it and tag Kerri. I made it through the entire month doing my daily steps and I am so proud I made it - my handstands have seriously improved 180 degrees! At the end of April I took many "before" videos with the thought that I knew something about how to handstand and maybe this challenge would help me better my balance but it was way more than that! We were taught step by step how to place weight on our fingers, rotate our biceps, protract the shoulders. engage the legs, suck in the belly and above all find balance. Different steps each day using a doorway or a wall caused me to really understand how to handstand.

Here is a small collage of pictures I took of myself throughout the challenge. All of the videos I took are on my Instragram. My record is a 16 second handstand which I never thought I'd ever do. If you don't think that is very long you try and handstand that long without any assistance. I challenge you. 

Also in May I became serious about running and for all those who know me know that I HATE running with a burning passion. In April I signed up for my second Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Race for the Cure. Susan G Komen has always been a cause close to my heart. I have never had a family member who has had breast cancer but I have felt drawn to it still. I few years ago I walked my first ever Breast Cancer 5k with a friend. That day I was so excited when we left the house that I left my shoes behind. Yes I did not realize it until we arrived at the race and long story short I walked the race in my friends sandals. I had blisters for days and a new understanding of what pain is and I vowed to never forget my shoes again. The Susan G Komen Association does such an amazing job on race day. You feel the love and support even if you do not have cancer. I was hooked and could not wait to go back - but I had it on my bucket list that I wanted to RUN a 5K at some point in my life. Now with my husband deployed I felt this was the perfect time in my life to train for the 5K and check that box off on my bucket list. Along the way I would also check off the "Run one mile straight" box but I had no idea how long it would be until I got there. Little did I know that day would be today, June 1, 2014. 

I ran one mile straight. 

My training thus far has been spotty and discouraging and agonizing. I've had shin splints and pain that made it so easy to stop. I've run on a treadmill, a track, a sidewalk, a side street and a paved trail. I felt like I would never be able to run the 5K because giving up came so easy to me and because...I hate running. But after getting some simple yet life-changing advice from a friend "run a distance rather than a time" my eyes have been opened anew. I got that advice on Friday and conquered my goal and then some. I took a break yesterday. And today, let me repeat, I ran one mile. Straight. So now I am motivated and encouraged to keep trudging on with my 5K training. I'm empowered to keep going even when my legs are killing me but I am also learning that if I do need to stop for a minute and rest that it is OK. I do not think I will ever enjoy running but I do enjoy the accomplishments it's entitled me to. It's given me a new feeling of pride and a new reason to be happy. 

Support Breast Cancer. Support those who have it and those who fight against it. 

I am not strong.

Monday morning my husband left for California. Desert training. 6 weeks of it. How miserable.

Miserable might be a strong word for me. It's more of lonely, bored, silent, and too much tv. Which to some people might be considered miserable. I don't so much mind it but I don't prefer it if that makes any sense. I count my blessings because we have had regular contact via Facebook and calls/texts but that doesn't make up for the fact that he is gone from my side. Some may find me strong for going through this with a smile on my face. In this world, as a military wife you have to be strong. You have to keep standing even when all you want to do is cry and eat brownies. I, personally, don't feel strong.

I cry every time he leaves. I cry when he's gone. I cry when he returns. When a song reminds me of him, when a movie reminds me of him, when a joke reminds me of him, when a meal reminds me of him I (most of the time) cry. Yes I'm a sentimental person and I cry easily and often. This is why I do not find myself strong. Those other wives who you'd never think are struggling are strong. The ones that don't sit at home every night finding new shows on Netflix to watch or bake everything in their cupboards to avoid boredom - they are strong. I am not. On a recent coffee date with a woman who I admire almost as much as my own mother we spoke about this and she considered me seasoned instead of strong. Seasoned is another word for prepared and ready for anything. I guess I would have to agree with her because really, how much say do I have for things the military has my husband do? None. Zilch. Squatty squat squat.

Maybe because the image of strong to me means nothing shakes you. Nothing. When your shaken to your core you just strap on another rope and hang on. But when I'm shaken I fall and curl into the fetal position and cry. I don't just stand there and take it, I give up. Maybe being a Planner this is part of my plan. I let myself fall and cry and then when its over I get back up and carry on. Strong people don't fall and cry, they brave the storm and carry on. To me, in my eyes this would never work. Crying helps me cope and recover. It brings new light new... well...yeah maybe new strength. Woah. Total mind blowing going on over here. So maybe I get a little stronger every time I cry and break apart. But I still don't consider myself strong. Maybe because if I ever become strong I feel I will have a cold heart and nothing will shake me and being shaken keeps me grounded...are you getting the mental image here? Where is this coming from?

I guess to wrap up my rambling I am seasoned because I let myself get shaken by this military life's experiences. I gain strength to carry on because I lift myself back up. I have a plan to recover but it first involves me breaking. But all of this doesn't make me strong.

Thanks for reading.



As for the coffee in my cup it was Italian Roast yesterday and this morning it was Tiramisu from Archer Farms - a Christmas present!

You never know...

This post while late as always is something that's currently hitting me like a ton of bricks. This military life I married into has caused me to, more than once, tell myself "you never know".

You never know when he could be called to leave.
This is something most of us never think about because the military is very organized about when they send the troops out and when they will come back. They usually give proper amount of notice too. But I would be lying if I didn't think about it at least once a month, lying there listening to him sleep and think "hey he could be called away tomorrow for who knows how long." This thought always causes me to hold him a little closer. Kiss him a little longer. And pray for him everyday.

You never know how long a deployment will last.
Again deployments are organized but even when they give you a timeline it could be changed. When they give you a date (and you are planning your wedding around that date) it could (and does!) change. It could be extended, it could be shortened, it could be more dangerous, it could be less dangerous.

You never know when you'll hear from him.
Broken record here but another one about deployment. Maybe it's because he has one coming up soon so that has been on my mind a lot lately. You hear some spouses hear from their troop every day. You may also hear "not at all". And everything in between. It makes those times in between agonizing and filled with worry, prayer and brownies (to numb the pain) but those times he calls you can't seem to talk fast enough or tell him everything you noted to yourself you would.

You never know when he's coming home for dinner.
This hits home tonight since he is usually home before dinner time (6pm - like the Jones') but tonight it wasn't until 6:20. I like to believe I have become a pro at creating dinners that either take forever to cool, taste the same at room temp or reheated in the microwave, OR get better the longer they cook . Now for those times he comes home early - I've gotten better at getting it on the table in the 15 minutes it takes him to shower. I'm not sure which skill I'm more proud of...

You never know if plans will change.
Vacation. Weekend away. Entertaining guests who come visit. All of this is in limbo with the military. They could promise you time off. They could say that it was approved. But at the drop of a hat if something happens they could take it all away in an instant. It's really not the type of limbo I enjoy.

My Faves
Just some items I love right now.

1. Crabtree and Evelyn Lotion - this stuff smells amazing and works incredible!

2. EOS Lip balm - I would buy one in every flavor if I could just finish the one I am working on. It lasts forever!

3. Brutus the Dog Self defense key chain - Yep I walk prepared!
4. Paparazzi Accessories - I can't get enough of their headbands and rings. And at $5 a piece you can get a handful of things and not break the bank!

As for the coffee in my cup I am still turned onto flavored coffee - gasp!

I do mixed it with regular un-flavored coffee but it still makes my mouth water to smell the sweet scent of maple syrup when I add the coffee to the pot. And of course it's time to break out the Christmas mug! I am just willing Christmas to get here with all my might because I CAN'T WAIT to be home with all my family celebrating!

I just realized I haven't updated my blog about the newest member of our family - Sue! He is our adorable, pale grey/beige kitten. Yes you read that right he is a Male. A boy. A boy named Sue. (Johnny Cash you are a legend) And said kitten fills me with so much joy and a little anger when he continues to try and jump up to the light switch with no success. But we are training him to fetch! I am also pretty addicted to taking pictures of him too!

He is the most gorgeous kitten probably ever and he warms my heart!

Cheers!

Marriage Amusements

I think that it is about time that I start documenting/sharing the wonderful things I have discovered in marriage. From things my husband says, things he does it all just makes me laugh. The past 8 1/2 months have really given way to hilarious conversations, I just wish I started documenting them sooner.

Portion Control
I know that my husband can eat twice as much as me and not gain a pound because he burns calories three times as fast as I do. I also know that he knows I love ice cream. But last night when he asked if I wanted ice cream and I said "yes two scoops please with a drizzle of chocolate syrup" I was thinking I would get the amount I normally dish out. The real "two scoop" serving size. Well bless his heart he was trying to use up all the ice cream (before vacation tomorrow) and when my bowl of goodness was given to me I found not two girly-sized scoops, but 2 man-sized scoops..and then some. My bowl was abundant with ice cream. Now I am not one to ever complain about ice cream - the stuff feeds my soul next to coffee but I did feel a bit of guilt eating the whole bowl. Aren't you supposed to loose weight before vacation because you foresee yourself gaining weight with all the special home cooked meals and eating out trips? Either way lesson I learned from this one, either scoop your own ice cream or specify to your husband to give you baby-sized scoops instead of regular sized.

Srcub-a-dub
We all know men find the weirdest things about their wives attractive. No make up, hair all a mess, just woke up, sweaty from a work out - Thank the Lord he made men like he did because I have no idea why this is attractive to them. Well my husband is pretty vocal at times about how cute I look when doing something out of the ordinary. "I like the way you scrub that pan!" Anyone else get this sorta thing? So yesterday when I was cleaning the master bathroom, as my husband read his hunting magazines on the bed I hear a cat call whistle. It took me a minute to respond but when I did I said "does work for you honey? seeing me scrub the bathroom like this? His response was "yeah but the smell is kind of ruining for me". Well I'm sorry that having a clean bathroom is ruining the mood but at this moment it's filthy and I need to clean it. Lysol maybe create a product with a less offensive scent and something more romantic? No? Oh well

Weighted
When a couple first gets engaged they look forward to the wedding, and the wedding night and having the best physique possible to impress the other. After the first few months a marriage some couples continue to hit the gym and keep up the good looks - good for you! Some other couples do not and this results in "marriage weight". All the home cooking and cuddling can lead to less working out and more weight gain. I've personally experienced this and now at the point that I've gained 6lbs since getting married. This is not a lot of weight and I've been trying to work out but lets be honest sometimes after a long day and making dinner the last thing you want to do is work out. Sitting on the couch watching Rules of Engagement is just way more enticing. Well I recently explained to him that I had to borrow my moms dress to a recent wedding I attended because the one I brought didn't fit like it used to. I explained that was because I had gained weight and I wasn"t comfortable with how I looked in the dress. To which my sweet husband replied "you've gained weight?" Enough said. Let the swooning continue.

Bedtime Stories
Does your husband ever get super chatty when his head hits the pillow? Mine does. Not often but sometimes he just tells me about his day, week, month as I try and stay awake to engage in the conversation. Well sometimes my husband talks himself to sleep. It's truly adorable to me - I'm a newlywed what more can I say? Well a while back after my husband had been telling me his thoughts, stories, ideas about whatever it was. After he was done this was the conversation we had:
Jon: I love you
Me: I love you too
Jon I LOVE you!
Me: I love you too honey
Jon: *even louder* I LOVE YOU!!
This continued back and forth as he continued to get louder and louder and I just kept laughing and replying in my normal tone of voice. Then all at once he says "Breakfast!" and passes out. I tried to talk to him while he was sleeping about said breakfast (sometimes I get lucky and he talks back to me) but this time - nope. The following day I recalled this conversation to him and he informed me that he does not remember any of the conversation passed the first "I love you". This man ladies and gentlemen...this man.

These are the most recent Amusements I can think of at this moment but there will definitely be more.

As for the coffee in my cup I'm currently pushing through a bag of Archer Farms S'mores Coffee.

Now all true coffee connoisseurs will tell you that flavored coffee is a huge no-no. It's fake flavored, it's not normal, it's hypocrisy! Well I can agree with them most of the time, but I do have a couple flavored coffees that I love. That said I have to tell you S'mores coffee from Target is the worst I've tasted. It smells like s'mores but the comparison stops there. I've made half of the bag (2 cups per pot, per day) and every single cup I've made is bitter. Like "the first time a coffee virgin sips coffee" bitter. I've tried different measurements to adjust the strength but the only way I can get the bitterness out of the coffee is lots of sugar or extra milk, which completely ruins any coffee taste that lurks in the underbelly of this brew. Save yourself and your taste buds from this bitter brew and go for something else that you trust. If you've read my other post you know I LOVE Archer Farms Tiramisu flavored coffee more than anything but the other flavored coffee I love this Blueberry Cobbler Coffee from New England Coffee. A friend introduced me and I've dreamed about it ever since. I need to get my paws on it soon! (speaking of paws, we're thinking of adopting a cat aka a cuddle buddy for me)

Anyway we are headed home tomorrow for 8 marvelous, family-filled days of relaxation. Let's hope time crawls by? Cheers!